Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Happy place

So I'm out the field one day, years ago, and I'm intending to visit with my insured and his girlfriend. 

Seems they'd been out partying on New Years, went four wheeling in his vehicle, and rolled it. 

Alcohol may have been a factor. 

So, sadly, the girlfriend had a fractured pelvis, which is definitely not good. 

I went to meet with them in their trailer, in what must have been THE WORST TRAILER PARK in the world. We're talking muddy ground, dogs roaming, no trailer less than 30 years old. Only thing I've seen more disgusting, in terms of living area, is a gypsy camp.

I find their trailer. They invite me in. Nice people (really). 

Of course, the entire trailer REEKS of the devil weed. I think I got the proverbial contact high. 

I got the statement I needed, and the forms signed, blah blah blah. 

A few weeks later, after I get all the medical bills, the insured and the girlfriend come into the office so she can sign the release and get her money. 

She comes in wearing a leather pelvic brace with "HAPPY PLACE" written in black Sharpie, and an arrow pointing down. 

I commented on it, somewhat in passing. And. . . . get this. . . . she was EMBARASSED!!!

Moral of the story?  If you don't want people commenting on your happy place, don't label it!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

A guy and a duck

This one was told to me by a former police officer turned SIU (special investigations unit) rep. 

They get a call about a man passed out in a vehicle at the top of the bridge. 

They approach the vehicle and, sure enough, the guy is passed out. 

With a duck. 

Guy - very, very drunk.

Duck - very, very traumatized.

According to the storyteller, the guy (very, very drunk) went to the local pond, grabbed a duck, then high-tailed it to the top of the bridge (perhaps he was looking for a romantic view?)

He proceeded (did I mention very, very drunk?) to have his way with the duck. 

Per the investigator. . . . .

"There were feathers EVERYWHERE."

Now tell me. . . exactly how drunk do you have to be to literally fuck a duck? 

Monday, September 8, 2008

A guy, a hooker and a rabbit. . . . .

Yep, sounds like a set up to a joke. 

But it's not.  

Guy's driving down the street. Someone turns left in front of him. Accident ensues.

When he calls his insurance company, a statement is taken. Standard question in a statement is "Did you have any passengers?"

"Yes, a woman in the front seat.  Oh, and a rabbit in the back."

"A rabbit."

"Yes, a rabbit."

"Stuffed, caged, loose?"

"Caged."

Alrighty then. 

How about contact information for the human passenger?

Nope, doesn't have it. Why not, you may ask? 

"Actually, she was a street walker I'd just picked up down the block. I don't know her name or how to get a hold of her. I dropped her off after the accident."

Amazingly, the claim rep did not ask about the rabbit that day; however, after significant pressure from his co-workers, he did ask the next time he spoke with the insured. 

"So, why did you have a rabbit in the car?"

"Oh, whenever my girlfriend has dialysis, I take care of her rabbit."

Which could lead one to a second-hand story about a guy and a duck. . . . 




Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Medical Records

I read them. All of them. Every last page. I've read medical records from birth to present.  And when you file a lawsuit, we get them all. Every last page. 

I've read more medical records pertaining to stranger's genital discharge than I'd care to ponder. Dick weeping? I now know about it. Dick not working? I know about that, too. 

Seeing your doctor for your fifth pregnancy test in two years, as well as that smelly discharge? I know about it, and wish I didn't. Here's a word of the day for you:  condoms. Try them. Amazing. Take care of the pregnancy and the discharge thing. Spectacular. 

Like to fuck other men, and your wife knows and doesn't care? Particularly because you have an STD? Or multiple STD's? Know about that now. Thanks. 

Remember that when you get involved in an injury claim, everything is fair game. 

Also remember that I'm not talking about people with serious injuries like fractures, internal injuries, scarring, etc. I'm talking minor impact claims, or claiming injuries that don't make sense based on the physics. 

So unless you're prepared to talk in front of a jury about all that personal stuff in your medical records, you may want to think twice about that lawsuit. 


Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Sub Rosa

I had never heard the term "sub rosa" before last year. It means (per Wikipedia) "under the rose" and is used to denote secrecy or confidentiality. I'm not sure why it's a term used to denote surveillance as well (although it is secret and confidential), but it's what I've been told. Actually, double checking the wiki entry, it is a term used primarily in the US as a byword for covert operations.  So I guess it makes a bit of sense. 

So this is something for you to consider, if your attorney recommends that you file a lawsuit against the guy who hit you, because the insurance company won't pay you tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars for your soft tissue claim. 

Be damn sure you are prepared to have many aspects of your life scrutinized. How do you feel about being followed by a stranger? Seriously. 

I've watched video of a woman standing on her front porch plucking her chin hairs. 

I've watched video of a guy smoking a doobie on his stairs. 

I've watched video of a guy sitting at a gaming table in Las Vegas for hours, when he stated under oath that he couldn't sit more than 10 minutes and needed a cane to walk (no cane seen in any of the video). 

And don't get me started on medical records. . . . speaking of scrutiny!!

More on that tomorrow.


Thursday, August 21, 2008

Parents and children

I don't understand. Really. I recognize that I haven't given birth, and therefore may not be in a position to understand what it REALLY means to be a parent. 

But seriously, does sharing your DNA mean that you lose all ability for rational thought? Explain that to me. 

When your kid rearends someone, it doesn't really matter what the other guy was doing, whether he was driving erratically or stopped suddenly or didn't signal - your kid still rearended him. And the fact that your kid pushed that guy into oncoming traffic. . . . well, speed on the part of the oncoming traffic STILL does not absolve your kid of responsibility. Because yes, it is his fault!!!

When you kid is following someone, and they turn right onto another street, is is your kid's fault that the other car was stopped waiting to turn left and your kid rearended her. You have lost your mind if you honestly think that the woman didn't have a right to stop. Your kid rearended her. Yes, it is her fault. 

When your kid backs out of a parking spot and hits another vehicle that was also backing, yes, it is both their faults. Deal with it! 

And remember this as well - you weren't there!!!!! You have no fucking idea that happened. And I'm sure your kid has NEVER, EVER lied to you to get out of trouble. I'm sure your kid walks on fucking water while feeding the homeless and curing cancer. But guess what? They're still at fault. Try teaching them responsibility, not deniability. We don't need that many more politicians! 

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Rear end

We all have heard this:  if you hit someone in the rear, it's your fault. Everyone knows this. 

Granted, there are (rare) circumstances where you aren't at fault for hitting someone in the rear. If they change lanes into your lane, and the damage is primarily one side of their rear bumper to the opposite side of your front bumper, chances are they changed lanes and there wasn't much you could do about it. If someone backs into you, technically they hit the front of your bumper. If your vehicle is pushed into the other vehicle. 

But under most circumstances, if the center of your front bumper strikes the center of the other guy's rear bumper, the accident will be your fault. 

"He was driving erratically" is not an excuse. That means you stay further away, asshat. Don't get closer. 

"She stopped suddenly" is also not an excuse. You need to keep enough distance between you and the vehicle ahead of you so, just in case she does stop unexpectedly, you can, too. Without hitting her.

"They didn't signal" doesn't work for me either. Again, you should have enough distance blah, blah, blah. 

And again, we've heard it all before. There may be some comparative negligence (like maybe 10%, if you're lucky), but realistically, you're at fault. 

So please don't waste my time whining about how you aren't at fault. Or worse, how your 28 year old son isn't at fault (even though you weren't at the scene and don't have the slightest clue what happened). Believe it or not, as your insurance company we are here to protect you. And oftentimes, the best way to protect you is to accept that yes, you are at fault.