A guy and a duck

This one was told to me by a former police officer turned SIU (special investigations unit) rep. 

They get a call about a man passed out in a vehicle at the top of the bridge. 

They approach the vehicle and, sure enough, the guy is passed out. 

With a duck. 

Guy - very, very drunk.

Duck - very, very traumatized.

According to the storyteller, the guy (very, very drunk) went to the local pond, grabbed a duck, then high-tailed it to the top of the bridge (perhaps he was looking for a romantic view?)

He proceeded (did I mention very, very drunk?) to have his way with the duck. 

Per the investigator. . . . .

"There were feathers EVERYWHERE."

Now tell me. . . exactly how drunk do you have to be to literally fuck a duck?