A guy and a duck

This one was told to me by a former police officer turned SIU (special investigations unit) rep. 

They get a call about a man passed out in a vehicle at the top of the bridge. 

They approach the vehicle and, sure enough, the guy is passed out. 

With a duck. 

Guy - very, very drunk.

Duck - very, very traumatized.

According to the storyteller, the guy (very, very drunk) went to the local pond, grabbed a duck, then high-tailed it to the top of the bridge (perhaps he was looking for a romantic view?)

He proceeded (did I mention very, very drunk?) to have his way with the duck. 

Per the investigator. . . . .

"There were feathers EVERYWHERE."

Now tell me. . . exactly how drunk do you have to be to literally fuck a duck? 

A guy, a hooker and a rabbit. . . . .

Yep, sounds like a set up to a joke. 

But it's not.  

Guy's driving down the street. Someone turns left in front of him. Accident ensues.

When he calls his insurance company, a statement is taken. Standard question in a statement is "Did you have any passengers?"

"Yes, a woman in the front seat.  Oh, and a rabbit in the back."

"A rabbit."

"Yes, a rabbit."

"Stuffed, caged, loose?"

"Caged."

Alrighty then. 

How about contact information for the human passenger?

Nope, doesn't have it. Why not, you may ask? 

"Actually, she was a street walker I'd just picked up down the block. I don't know her name or how to get a hold of her. I dropped her off after the accident."

Amazingly, the claim rep did not ask about the rabbit that day; however, after significant pressure from his co-workers, he did ask the next time he spoke with the insured. 

"So, why did you have a rabbit in the car?"

"Oh, whenever my girlfriend has dialysis, I take care of her rabbit."

Which could lead one to a second-hand story about a guy and a duck. . . .